#FUCK YOU ME FROM A MONTH OR TWO AGO
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I can't find my own damned post so either I deleted it at some point and forgot or my younger self needs to remember the dammned tagging system
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#this is one of my favorite pokémon of ALL time. this is one of those pokémon that#when it first came out‚ i had such a Visceral reaction to. i couldn't get over this fucking dog. and i still can't#THEY CAN'T FUCKING SEE!!!!!! AHJGSAKDGASJGDSKCGAJVCKABCKB#i love it SO much it's so fucking. cute. it's so fucking cute. so happy to see that blue haired bitch in the sv dlc having one#DAS IST MEIN BABY. I LOVE IT. lord this is the best. gushing over this dog#while also listening to discO-zone for the first time in a Long time#which is one of my favorite albums of all time. right next to probably vylet pony's cutiemarks and the things that bind us#and burn pygmalion from the scary jokes#there you go. there's my music taste lain out flat. kinda all over the place but discO-zone is one of those that i've loved since i was#a real youngin. and i just rediscovered it last night and UUUUUUUGGHHHH IT'S SO GOOD#MUSIC!!!! AND DOGS. feeling GOOD this morning#by the time this posts‚ it'll be like. two weeks later. but past me was feeling great when she posted this#about to start shiny hunting pawniard for a friend's birthday. technically getting eggs as i write this#wish me luuuuck..! it'll probably be his birthday by the time this posts. lemme check#oh yeah this is gonna post two days After his birthday. hopefully by the time this goes up i've already got the pawniard#HI FORGOT TO TAG THIS ONE#hisuian growlithe#hi from the future again lol his birthday was like a month ago by this point because i ended up queueing up this guy before all the gmax#forms. i totally forgot them. and this whole time i've been queuing them up and shoving them Above this guy. so it was even longer ago#that i queued this guy up at this point. teehee!
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lukewarm take of the evening: y'all care too much about being ""outdated"". fellas this smp moves inhumanly fast. it is ok to CHILL holy shit CHILL. y'all are like "(posts BANGER ART) super late guys sorry" friend i am hitting you with a blanket i am snapping you with my metaphorical towel WHAT DO YOU MEAN SORRY. "(posts BANGER FIC) rip this is outdated now" WHO CARES???? I LOVE YOU, OK. ohhhh woe is us as the fandom at large for having MORE HAPPY PILLS ARC CONTENT oh no how outdated!! how could you be writing speculative fiction about how forever felt during happy pills :( slash SARCASM!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN!!!! THERE ARE SO MANY BANGER ARCS, WHAT, YOU THINK WE'RE COMPLAINING????? FOR GETTING MORE OF THE CONTENT WE LOVED????? oh no we're past the period where everyone thought green gay ninjas were like Dead Dead, my work is now outdated and noncanon :( WDYM. GIMME. A BANGER IS A BANGER IDC IF IT TAKES THREE MONTHS. you think rome was built in a day?? fuck you, baltimore, GIMME. my ass has been cooking a goddamn backflipo family fic since july when it was ALREADY outdated do you think i fear god??? "oh no, you're making an edit of slime's (attempted) egg murdering spree?? how could you, that was months ago it's irrelevant" SAID NO ONE EVER.
save your wrists kidlings ok carpal tunnel is no joke. CHILL!!!!! CHILL!!!!!!!! TAKE YOUR TIME SHEEEEEESH OK LOVE YOU <3
#qsmp#shut up vic#block game brainrot#IT IS OK TO NOT ALWAYS POST SHIT THIRTY SECONDS AFTER IT HAPPENS!!!!!!!#for god's sake we have MONTHS of lore and bangers ok???#i still have a mental image of an art i wish i could make from BOBBY'S NIGHTMARE#HE HAS BEEN GONE FOR M O N T H S and you bet your ass if i can make it I WILL BE POSTING IT#SO. MUCH. SHIT. HAS. HAPPENED. who cares if it was months ago!!!!!!#it's ok to be a few days late!!! it's ok to be a few months late!!!!! don't tell me sorry for feeding me!!!!!!#part of me still lives in I'M NOT HOLDING A FUCKING FUNERAL CHAT#part of me still lives in maxo's final song for his son!!!!#part of me still lives in the day we thought ramón was gone for good#part of me still lives in cellbit sprinting to his son only to be ripped away back to the feds just as richas turns to write a sign#part of me still lives in the flooding of the copacabana ocean#THESE ARE BANGERS. REMEMBER WHEN FIT FOUND PAC E MIKE IN PRISON. BANGER.#oh dear new work expanding on a canon moment i super liked that happened months ago how late smh SAID NO ONE EVER#TWO CAKES!!!!! TWO CAKES MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!! WE LOVE PASTRIES DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT#COME ON Y'ALL. METAPHORICAL KISSES. LOVE YOU. HAVE A GOOD WEEK.#long tags
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They're so bestie material <3
#drawing unpopular characters from a show that was revived two months ago is the most fulfilling thing I can accomplish#anyway#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#gravity falls#my love#you are back !!!!#IM SO HAPPY#i have so much to say#so much to do#gravity falls pyronica#gf pyronica#gravity falls kryptos#gf Kryptos#gravity falls henchmaniacs#they deserve so much more attention#finally finished the book of bill#stole it from a friend actually#book of bill#the book of bill#tbob#Kryptos basically being a ghost writer is so fucking funny to me#I love it#also I'm gonna cosplay dipper#buy gold bye
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F it, im compiling all my dra sketches below because i kind of miss drawing dra stuff
#dra#danganronpa another#unfortunate that ayame's sketch is kinda OOC if u get what i mean#sorry that kizuna's sketch looked so fucked up.. i genuinely dont know what i was doing that day for the sketch to look wonky#anyway i cant even say i miss drawing the “dra cast” because i only drew the girls. like genuinely LOL#i only made two fully colored dra art and im like.. genuinely surprised by that. but anyway i ended up not liking those pieces lol#if you saw these posted before... Hahaha. No. You didnt. These sketches Totally wasnt posted on my main acc months ago...#also i only drew sdra2 characters what the hell!! SMH#i didnt even draw rei more than 1 time... do you know how crazy that is bc shes like one of my fav dra characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if anyone would like to suggest characters from the dra series (dra and s/dra/2) for me draw then do so!!!
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Y'all motherfuckers need to cut out this mentality y'all have where you hear someone likes a certain piece of media, and you immediately speak up and say how much you think that said media fucking sucks. And yes, nuance does exist in that topic, but I'm not talking about those nuanced situations where said media is actively harmful. I'm talking about harmless media. I'm talking about Sonic, RWBY, Kingdom Hearts, and many many other forms of media with those fandom lines where people do/do not like them.
In fact, when you sit there and voice about how you think media like that is "oh so terrible", and "it sucks," all you're doing is making it so the person who actually likes that media never wants to talk to you again. You're like a middle school bully at that point.
And I'm guilty of this, I've been working on getting it out of my vocabulary. It's not easy. But it legitimately needs to go from fandoms in general. This gatekeepy behavior is awful, horrible, and serves to do nothing more than upset and irritate the people you're talking to. Stop it. Let people enjoy things, and just shut up if you dislike something that isn't harmful.
#sorcerer rambles#god sorry for the rant I'm just so irate at all this#long post#it is so fucking draining to hear someone talk about how they think something's bad when it's harmless#and ultimately it makes me want to just...not hear from you again#and this applies to so many things. so many. let people enjoy things.#wasn't it like a month or two ago when we were spreading that “literal coolest thing ever” meme
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i feel as the years go by i become less and less unreachable on the internet. people ask me for my socials and it’s like, sorry i dont have tiktok, vk, insta, twittor, but you can have my phone number^_^ oh but i answer calls like 30% of the time, and i never answer if it’s an unknown number. But coming back to social media, one sure way to reach me always used to be discord. i was pretty much always available and if u shot me a message i’d get back to you in a matter of 0.2 seconds. now though? i could be watching 5 hours of youtube videos and be none the wiser of the fact that somebody Needs to speak with me, because i can’t see the notifications on my computer anymore. so unless i get my ass up (which i dont like doing) and get my phone, i’m practically dead to the world. but see even beyond that i Also can’t be fucked to go through the trouble of turning my vpn on (clicking one button) because im lazy. i know people are messaging me on discord right now but im just lazy. and in that way it sort of feels like emails, where if i don’t see it it basically doesn’t exist. And so i become more and more of a concept. like a vampire or perhaps like franz kafka, i have been metamorphosed into the concept friend they warned you about. you cannot reach me in a way that matters
#it’s kind of chill. idk#makes me feel like im some sort of guy from the 1930s and you can only reach me through telegraph#Or perhaps toyhouse dms.#crammerposting#i know to my irls i am a fucking enigma on account of not being an avid tiktoker or vker#im like a leshy fr#i do actually have an insta but i’ve stopped posting there 2 years ago and i dont check it#whenever i happen to open it once every 8 months i just scroll the timeline for two seconds and go Damn#yall still post on insta#and then i close it for another 10 months
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fuck vague posting I’m just full on ranting
#today was the first time I felt really jealous... someone I like was on a date with a dude which lasted multiple (like at least 6/7) hours#And it hurts more than with her situationship because there you always knew that it was more physical than emotional#but well she can't do anything about my feelings and I can't blame her for going on dates#the thing is… we wanted to meet up together since before our last exam… that was AGES ago#I just have the feeling that I'm just being pushed around to fit in the schedules when everything else is being taken care of first#and now we actually agreed to meet this Saturday but guess what... another friend has concert tickets for Saturday evening#which means that I'm being pushed back again (tho I don’t think that friend doesn't knows anything about the person and I's plan)#and now I feel like I'm being pushed back from both of them :/#because the two of them are going to have a nice day together again tomorrow#(for context this other friends wasn’t in the country for a few months and this’ll be the first time any of us sees her since she left)#and yes it shouldn't be important to me who "meets her first” but it still hurts for several reasons…#sometimes I just feel a bit left out with the two of them#and I would like to just cry about all this crap but I just can't… I've forgotten how to cry about my problems (and that fucks me up too)#op dasloddl
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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i started reading the vampire armand. btw
#got a little way into iwtv a month or two ago and it's a slog so i just thought fuck it why am i eating plates and plates of boiled carrots#just to get to the point when i can have the delicious sponge at the end (tva)#im an adult#so i am simply jumping in here and they keep being like lestat is passed out on the floor because he went to hell and im like ok great!#so lestat is passed out on the floor because he went to hell#makes sense to me!#this guy is psychic and stole some other guy's body i can deal with that#armand has kids! ok cool dont need to know how that came about#and now finally i am meeting my darling amadeo#main thing so far is im in two minds between armand is recounting this story as someone who justifies and romanticises his abuse#so it makes sense the way he talks about it#versus i feel like anne rice is also writing this story of paedophilia as though it were romantic#clinging TIGHT to my watsonian explanation to make this bearable#i am putting myself through this for the reasons god intended. to inform my toxic yaoi fanfiction#good luck suing me from beyond the grave ms rice!!!!! im giving this man mental illnesses you havent even heard of!!!!!!!#tvaposting
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I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.
#once again i jest but now i have to actually talk about it#like. okay we have no proof of any actual timeline for the dirge flashbacks other than. it was at least 30 years ago#so who knows how long they were at the manor. could have been weeks before The Incident. or months. or maybe a full year! who knows#but to me a timeline of like. they fucked and like a week later vincent found The Evidence and lucercia had her little breakdown#AND THEN EXTREMELY QUICKLY SHE AGREED TO THE EXPERIMENT AND IT COULD GO ONE OF TWO WAYS#1. she knew she was pregnant and thats why she agreed to the experiment cuz there was already a usable subject#and therefore she must have fucked hojo like a week after she fucked vincent AND THATS STUPID FAST FOR THESE EVENTS#or 2. she didnt know. agreed to the experiment. fucked hojo. and therefore thought seph was hojo's and NOT vincent's#AND BY THE WAY. i dont even actually believe hojo fucked either!!! cuz theyre both scientists so why wouldnt they think IVF was the best way#okay. well.... hojo is canonically a fucked up little freak. so. he might have taken the opportunity to... get in there.#also when did ivf even start being a thing? cuz that may play a factor into this if nomura even considered that#well either way lets just unfortunately assume hojo got in there#ITS STILL AN ODDLY FAST TIMELINE#also. fuck man doesnt lucrecia have a later line in dirge where she actually says shes in love with hojo? or something along those lines#IMPLYING ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE SHE HAD THE FALLING OUT WITH VINCENT. YOU WOULDNT FUCK THE GUY AFTER ALL THAT SHIT#AND WHILE CLAIMING TO LOVE/CURRENTLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HOJO!!!! LIKE CMON MAN!!!! SHE SUCKS BUT SHES NOT THAT KIND OF A MESS#i dont think vincent would fuck her until they sorted out their issues anyway and that CLEARLY didnt happen.#its VITAL that that did not happen!!!!#its just. if vincent and lucrecia fucked. everything would have had to happen EXTREMELY fast within like a 2 week timespan#and im just talking about up to when vincent learns shes partaking in the experiment. it was probably another week or two until vincent died#SO. logically it must have been like#fall in love->learn about the gimoire incident->refuse to speak to vincent->get obsessed with hojo->fall in love(?)#and then thats where i think its ambiguous on did the experiment become an idea before or after seph started to exist?#like chicken or the egg ya know. experiment idea or sephiroth zygote?#that feels fucked up to say. im so fucking sorry to seph to talk about this. yeah sorry i have to debate who fucked your mom bro#god imagine telling him that. like not even as a reveal thing cuz he knows who his father is. just like as a sick joke. your mom joke.#NO OH M Y GOD I HAVE A QUESTION NOW#in accordance to him having a photo of lucrecia in ever crisis. after he reads that jenova is an ancient (incorrect btw)#does he think that picture is still her? what about when he takes jenova's body from the lab????#oh my god 30 tag limit. FUCK. i need like a rant blog for all this vincent talk now. my brain is going a mile a minute
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Me: *delusional* Maybe when I watch Marineford this time Ace will be rescued and hang out with Luffy and Whitebeard
#anime#radiowaves#one piece#op#marineford#*me: *watching Whitebeard’s fleet arrive* SEE! THEY HAVE IT UNDER CONTROL IT’S FINE*#*C’MON NOT ACE HE’S JUST A LITTLE GUY*#*AND LUFFY’S BEEN APART FROM HIS WHOLE CREW LET HIM HAVE HIS BROTHER!!*#*I also find it so funny that Geko Moria’s there like?? SIR???*#*didn’t you almost die like a month ago because Luffy accidentally found your Halloween island boat??*#*why do you THINK you should be allowed here???*#*meanwhile Mihawk has done ONE (1) attack that didn’t even hit THE CORRECT GUY and now will be chilling*#*I cannot WAIT for him to get home after his horrible day and find out Zoro and Perona are living in his house since he left*#*he just had his shit rocked by this war and then he can’t even sit on his couch in peace without two angsty teens heckling him*#*also not to give you buggy fans any rights*#*but he’s been great in this arc so far. Accidentally restarting his clown cult with escaped prisoners and deluding himself into the war*#*what else do I like*#*Marco seems pretty cool*#*I enjoy the idea of Boa standing there doing FUCK ALL until Luffy comes by good for her*#*i DID get jumpscared by Django being there I REALLY had to rack my brain to remember he was a marine*#*speaking of- are all the marines there?? where’s G8 man is he still chilling*#*such a good arc*
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#shedinja#now THIS is what i'm talkin' about! i love shedinja. i think it's a very unique pokémon and wonder guard is very *cool* if only it were ever#y'know. relevant. this thing is weak to way too many types for it to be relevant but like it's still cool in concept i think#you kinda can't tell what it is from this angle but that's why you have me here to tag it so you do know what it is#so. bit of a life update for you all. i accidentally deleted some semi-important files i needed for work. like two weeks ago#and i didn't realize i did‚ bc they were inside a folder that i deleted. but i didn't need the files at the time and i hadn't for months#i hadn't used those files since like last year. but now i need them again and i just realized that i deleted them two weeks ago#by accident? and now i need them again. to be able to do my work. so i'm actually queueing this guy and the next guy up#while i'm supposed to be working. as i've just sent an email to my boss being like Haha Hey. Do you Have a Backup of tHese Files……… PLease#and i'm hoping DESPERATELY that she does. if she doesn't i'll have to fucking reverse engineer them which i am not excited for#if it comes to fruition. so i'm just hoping she has a copy of them. feelin like shedinja against a fire-type rn fr i swear#i'll let you all know what she says when i get her response. if i get it before i'm done queuing up shedinja and whismur#spoilers. whismur is next but you could just look up the natdex numbers. and know that whismur is next#also don't tell me to look in the trash. on my computer. i know they're not there. for one i checked and for two they couldn't be there#because i rm -r'd the folder. i didn't just right-click delete that shit. i killed that shit. it's GONE#you might be asking me… why would you do that! and i would say? i did not know these files were in there#you didn't ask for all this information so i'm cutting it off here
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on march 26th 2023 i tried to kill myself but the hospital declared it a non-emergency which means my insurance will not cover it
please for the love of god help me
p@yp-al is here
#i'm still paying off a hospital bill from two years ago i cannot fucking be paying on 2 more payment plans#they demand a minimum of $200 a month and im already living paycheck to paycheck#please fucking help me#reblog if you can't spare the money please#i can't do this again#talking.txt
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You know .
#my mental breakdown this summer was actually completely explainable and while i did/said things i dont stand by#i dont actually think i was the bad guy here. interestingly.#i had to help my mom move and it triggered a huge panic attack bc of past trauma from moving house#and so now my family is saying im going insane#and my friend kept egging me on to ask out his friend#who he and i had developed a really nice friendship but he did kind of like. seem like he was trying to be my personal savior#idk i had a big crush on him bc ofc i fucking did no man has ever treated me that well before#then i jokingly tell him how i feel and he goes all serious#oh and it was four days after the 17th anniversary of my fathers suicide#who i think had bpd/ptsd#so i may be developing the same disorder . and it’s freaking me out#this guy claims he knew i had a crush on him which actually means the way he was talking to me means he was to keep my attention#(he sent a picture of him zoomed in naked hours before this so EXCUSEEE ME FOR ASSUMING)#and i started getting upset with the way i was being talked to and asked him to just say he was talking to me that way for attention#for my own peace of mind. like mind u we were talking every day throughout the day for months#voice calls would last over 5 hours. that kind of thing#i snap at him finally but immediately apologize#he then sends me a screenshot of his ex telling him ‘you have experience in dealing with mentally ill women’#followed by him saying ‘youre right. teehee love you’#so yeah duh i went to the fucking hospital it’s like someone hit me with a hammer in the head three times#then my fucking friend who goaded me into confessing to him tells me when i get out that he feels like im trying to make him choose between#when all i ever did was apologize profusely over and over again#fuck my entire ass man. oh and then two weeks later my best friend abruptly told me she was moving to maine#in two weeks. well no she didnt say that. she said can i stay at yours for a week#and i said um. what? and she said yeah im moving. and then used the fact that she had to get an abortion weeks ago as an excuse for not#telling me. and i said dude what the fuck? and she never talked to me again! so#one two three all gone BAM BAM BAM#oh this was also a week before my birthday#the trauma from moving wasnt actually abt tbe moving it was about how i was treated when we were moving#or basically any stressful family event
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does anyone else lowkey get really uncomfortable when they have to take a picture of themself or have to be in a picture...? ...no? just me? okay
#in all seriousness i actually hate taking pictures of myself because i always look cringe and really ugly no matter what I do#that's why I don't have the heart to face reveal (not that I trust you fucks with my face /j)#no but seriously man it makes me so uncomfortable#like i have an old picture of me from 2-3 years ago where I was just posing with my two best friends by standing there with a peace sign#and I cringe every time I look at it#that's why I take ~1 picture of myself a month#and usually they're just .5s or pictures to see something#not to picture me#yk?#and then also ppl try to tell me they don't care if it's ugly or smth but the problem isn't that I'm worried about what they would think#the problem is what *I* would think#every time someone takes a picture of me I just say shit like “oh haha I look so ugly haha” but secretly I want to cry#idk what this is#is it insecurity? is it self hatred?#I don't know anymore#anyways. long ass rant#remember to subscribe and hit that bell am I right?? haha
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